whisper

Who knows if I’ll ever man up,
And say exactly how I feel.
Quite possibly the only thing,
That keeps my life alive
Is you.

There is no use denying,
What is obvious only to me.
You wont catch me cryin
But that doesnt mean a thing

Because when Im angry
I am a screamer
When all goes my way
I am a grinner
But when I am with you
I can do nothing
But whisper

About time

Today, I’ve decided to grow up. My friend got engaged and another graduated within 24 hours. And it’s not like they were sprinting or cheated in anyway. They are just on time. When I told my mom, there was not even a hint of shock. She simply said- it’s about time. It’s weird how she always works out being right. It is about time.

Insecure

I know I havent written in a while. I think its because of how confused I have been. I know I have my flaws, but I have always considered myself to be awesome. I was raised to think that is ok. So it is confusing, and almost angering to see people who are completely mindblowingly fantastic and they do not even have a clue. Even worse, when you tell them, they brush it off as if you were giving them pitty. As anyone will tell you, I dont have any pitty. I barely have remorse. I have some truly awesome friends but some of them just refuse to see themselves as anything beyond average yet they crave to be. I do not know what to do or say about it. I feel like I should be able to do something. I just hate to see people walk through life with envy, when they have something that no one else can compare. I guess what I am asking for is a light, but not for me. I need one that brings light to insecurities.

live (short)

at some point, we should be excited. We have made it this far. We have come this far. At this point, we have lived a good life. We have lived a good live because we have lived.

You are Enough

I think all the satisfaction a person needs, is to know that they are enough. Sometimes all a person needs to hear is that they have done enough or said enough. There is this deep worry that is in all of us of falling short. From the time we are born, the people around us become profits. “He will be a smart one” or “This kid has potential.” So we live in hope. That if we continue this potential could be ours. In our little shell of a childhood, its easy to follow this rational or mentality. But when we move out, no one is looking for potential. In this so called “real world”, no one is looking for who we could be.

storm

Sometimes, all that we can hope, is that we hit before the storm comes. Because there comes a point in desperation that the innocence dies. We become beings of survival and not living. We are all born of God’s creation, sure. But I feel that when we wander, we lose that notion. We worry, that in the darkest hour, we are not an image of God, but one that is tainted by this earth. If I die in my sleep ( or of I do not), God loves the darkest of those that exist. My Post began, I hope that we hit before the storm comes, because I hope we love before doubt drowns us. If we take an innocent look at this life, Love drowns us. After 5 seconds of it however I feel like its completely different. We feel like love dies. So I feel that all of those that dont feel lie God has a purpose. At the very least. I feel like God is the last remaining entity that makes Love be the one that drowns us. God gives Love a purpose. I dont know if any of this makes sense to anyone here but it is laying heavily on me. Just know that we have purpose. And that our influence is nearly inevitable. Make it worth it. Make our breath say something, make our hand move something.

Inspired By Roman Candle and NeedToBreathe

She asked me what the world meant to me,
She asked “if all this went away would you still be with me?”
I wish there was some hesitation because,
I didnt want to show what she meant to me.
All I could say was “absolutely”

These are the moments that captivate,
These are the songs with no tune
These are the times all guys try to hate.
This is the feeling of needing you

I was born with a silver tongue
That spit sweet words filled with lies
You never believed not a word of it
You never even noticed the disguise

You see the sun through the rain
And quite frankly im going insane
I liked my life in my control
I liked everything going my way

I just cant help myself
I blame this all on you
This something
I can not undo

These are the moments that captivate,
These are the songs with no tune
These are the times all guys try to hate.
This is the feeling of needing you

the death of my writing

Twitter has forced me to keep my thoughts to the point. How about this – happiness is the death of my writing. My life became perfect tonight. I unlocked some sort of happiness and bliss and all of the words in my head are just words that I can only whisper because it provides such a delicate emotion that it only exists in me.

 

I met an old friend for the first time last night
I lived the good ol times last night

Behavior

This weekend I went to a party where I was probably younger than everyone there by about 10 years. It never felt that way. They were not immature, but I was made to be more mature. I never fully believed the impact of an environment until that moment. I would wager that environment is probably the most important factor in determining someones behavior.

Opportunities

Today I was quite upset when I realized that “all” of my friends had made plans and did not invite me. I was certain that the rest of my day would be just the pits. As it turns out, the rest of my day was perfectly fine. In fact, in the process of having an awesome day, I convinced someone to go back to college. Whether he does or not is not quite the point. It is more about the fact that the opportunity was presented because I continued on my day. I did not try to force myself into anyone’s plans.

On a side note, I missed the memo about everyone getting in relationships and being really exclusive. If I would have known, I could have planned better. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, and it seems like everyone got together and said “boys, now is the time.”

It is now 1:30 a.m. and I am wide awake. My mind is racing. I wish that work was right now, or even school because my focus is impeccable.