privledges

I have a fear which is greater than failure and I noticed it today. Actually until today I considered it to be just an annoyance. I was often annoyed when people were given privileges that they did not deserve. “Ah!” you say. “I Understand” you say. But surely you do not. Because most (I speak on behalf of you because I was once one with this mindset), believe that being more privileged would be a blessing. It is a double edged sword.

For those of you that  actually know me and are not randomly visiting my blog, I am in a wheelchair.

church

I went to church today, and the whole service I spent wondering the rights and wrongs of a church. Then I got to thinking that outside of a few things, that the bible leaves a lot up to interpretation as far as church goes. Oh what a twisted road that saying is. “Up for interpretation.” It is the single phrase that allows people to believe that from a religion standpoint- being gay is ok and living with someone you are not married to is quite ok. What I mean as far as up for interpretation is that the bible lays down a few rules about a church, and we as a Christian people are handed a baton and told to run with it. The more I thought about this the more I realized that a church is a lot like picking your college. So long as it fits some credentials, it an approved and accredited college, it is on the checklist. However, choosing that college has a lot to do with the individual. Not every shoe is made to fit you, nor is every college a good one for you. I feel church is the same way. I have been at a lot of extremes, I have gone to a catholic service, and today I probably would imagine this Sunday being the most relaxed services I have ever attended.

I am constantly at ends with the argument that these churches provide as their backbone. Tradition is the key to success, while others agree it is change. It is odd how those stuck on tradition have been struggling with things for years and despite the yearning for it to change, it stays the same. And how those stuck on change, have a disappointed congregation as soon as things slow down. The copout is to say that they are both right. Indeed they may be but in this life, everybody is not a winner. Which brings me to my second point. I have a problem with two kinds of churches. The first being the doomsday church where this world is in a spiralling whirlwind to hell and when you leave the service feeling like an aweful person and little inspiration to change. The other is what I like to call the happy go lucky church where everything is always going to be ok. I hate to break it to those people, but everything is not going to always be ok. I have days where I feel like I am being torn in every direction, and then looking up and saying that everything is ok. When I get so far off from my moral commitments that I forget who I am, everything is not ok. I struggle with these dramatic differences in church. And to think they are all built around one book. I just wonder how they could be so different at a fundamental level. More to come

knocked up

See the interesting part about morals, right and wrong, and what people say, hardly ever line up.  As perfect as we make people, its hardly the case they are in the right. And morals are only as good as their base.    Really the only thing that remains is right and wrong. In the irony thats the hardest one to see. And really there isnt that binary set up either. Its not either right or wrong its right and then everything else. I know its not really the deep well worded message I normally have- but its what I have.  I have decided that having good judgment is not deciding between right and wrong- its deciding between what is right and everything else. And that life is really about finding out where that line is.

christian

So my girlfriend’s friend got in a car accident, and I was asked by others as well as me asking myself, “why are you going to the hospital? You do not know him.” And I had to stop and think about why it is so hard to conceive about caring for someone you do not know. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was not a matter of if I should, it was more of a matter of it being the way of a christian. Caring about the well being of a person we do not know, is a very fundamental element of being a christian. To reach out to help someone who you know little or nothing about. I was shocked at why, when put in that perspective, why people including myself found helping, to be out of place. I think it has something to do with this world constantly keeping to themselves. I have even caught myself saying “I dont care what they do as long as it does not affect me.” To some extent I see this as just a way of evading change.

Lightning Crashes

So for anyone who has heard lightning crashes by live – go read the lyrics. I may be alone in the fact that those are some of the saddest yet deepest lyrics I have heard in a while. In a time where, when you turn on the radio, most songs are some iteration of one another, this song really rang deep with me. And yes what it is about, really does not relate to me. But its a powerful message. BTW – live in general distances themselves with their lyrics.

the random

I have realized its the random things that make up memories. And actually, for once I am short winded. I dont have a lot to say. I mean what can you say? Its my birthday and it seems like the older you get,the more a  birthday seems to be just another day in the week. And I know that sounds sad, but I really am not upset about it. I actually am not a big fan of presents anymore because i feel guilty about people buying me something. And I really dont get the whole deal about a birthday