In all fairness

I think weve gotten past fair,

Ill take this winding road,

I suppose youll take it from there.

But dont lead where no one can follow

Dont take the thrill from the chase

Stop pretending that its already tommorow

And that reality will just go away.

 

I can see your eyes tracing the floor

Your hands squeezing the railing

until  they wont squeeze  anymore

And its a smile they will see

And some charm they will adore

Ill sell it like it was meant to be

 

So why you are running

I may never know

I dont understand why you act

Like it was so long ago

But Im not waiting

But ill always be here

For that one moment

You stop running in fear 

Moments and Titles

I believe that the best moments are the ones that dont stand for anything. They weren’t attached to any sort of holiday, or an occasion they just happened. Quite possibly the best part is that at the time, they seemed so insignificant. They would almost seem permanently lost except for the people that remind you of them. They never start with “remember last christmas” or any other iron clad date. They just start with “remember the time” and then followed by a story hoping to jar some sort of recognizable emotion that will bring the past back to the present as if it were boiled and evaporated to blend into your current surroundings. 
Secondly I dont believe in titles for relationships. I adhere to them simply because they a societal standard and in most cases the other one in the relationship finds some sort of security in it. Sure there are rules, mannerisms that have to be assumed when I accept the title of boyfriend, but when someone asks me “who is she, I hardly find it appropriate or acceptable to describe her with one word. Even more so with a word that most everyone else has used at one time or another. I find this to be disturbingly important since the the title is for a relationship, someone who means something to  you. And to that person, you are just a word? It is a cop out for a person to have to explain to someone that this person means the world to him or her or whatever the emotion. Saying simply this is my girlfriend may only inspire the question “well how long have you two been dating” and then thats it. I have no idea about anyone else, but the times I am in a relationship have proven to be life changing. I  would hate to think that an influence such as that can be ever reduced to generic.  

Just writing

I just feel like writing today. More of an exercise I suppose of just getting everything off of my mind. I didnt sleep at all last night because I just had too much to sort out and I can not afford to do that again. I find my life very ironic, and by ironic I mean it is going full circle. The very things I assumed would never happen, are happening and the things I thought would never end ended so abruptly that it feels more like a surreal dream (unnecessary word i know, but go with it). I find it interesting which friends I have kept up with over the years, and how many seemed to have just dropped out completely. So many things I used to feel were important dont mean a thing. I guess this is all about change, but is it really? I think there is a balance between change and realizing what was already there. I think that we blame a lot of things on change when really the first time around we just really missed it.

Today seems to contrast completely with yesterday. Yesterday I was happy but I assumed things and that lead me to happiness. I dreamed things were true and the possibilities that could follow if everything lined up correctly and perfectly. And I must tell you it was nice, it was nice to skip through the future aligning things just the way I would like. Then today came. I dont know what it is in me but it as if a switch was flipped. I am ridiculously sad  and bitter and over nothing.

The trouble ahead

I find it increasingly hard to ignore the hardships my friends are about to endure. I can see it plain as day, but in spite of this the burden I carry is that I can not say a thing. The essence of being a friend is to not stop your friend from falling but catch them when they do. By my friends I mean two in particular. I wish I could just jump in and say brace yourself, but its not my place. 

a moment, a movie, a move

I believe the worst part of a book is its ending. Whatever the book, it is at that point that you have to stop turning the pages and can not go on. Even if it is a terrible book, I am too optimistic, and I keep turning pages in the belief that it will get better. I think life presents us with a lot of these moments. Moments where we are not allowed to turn another page, and we must continue on to another story. There are some good ones, and there are some awful ones. I treat these situations just as I do in books, anxiously awaiting for moments to go on forever. Really, forever is the just the sum of all of the individual moments tied together with the people experiencing them at every knot. No one wants to see that back cover, no one wants to get to the point in a moment where all they have left is to read is the About the Author section.I just finished a movie called “Into the Wild”. And the whole point of the movie is to sell the viewers into the idea of going out into the wild to discover yourself. I watched the whole thing, and I really dont buy it. I strongly believe that who u are is a combination of your core self and the world around you. If I am right, how are you to find out who u are if you change the world around you. I fidn that your surroundings are critical. The main character I think discovered this at the end when the last note he wrote in his journal was “for what purpose is happiness if not to share it.” I agree we are a culture that is driven to unreal things, but the solution of just throwing all of that out of the window is just unnecessary. The people who go on these “man trips” are just merely trying to escape reality. Not to criticize them, because I completely understand them, I need those moments when reality is too much. But to consider it a lifestyle, is built on a false hope.on a completely different note….I remember the times in which she was a wave reaching towards the stars and then splashing back into the sea of me and everything that she felt would accept her as herself. Moments such as these seem to be unchanged by time, that at any point of recollection you feel as it might as well have just happened. Its a cruel mind trick, because the only moments that share this quality are those that are so horrifying that they never seem give to a burial. Our memory would like us to believe that our life is simply a bunch of the best and worst times that coexist in time.  Reality shows us however that life is more about how we tie these moments together. Showing does not necessarily mean that we accept them though, which  I believe is how we make the same mistakes over and over again.

the downfall of progress

If at all, I choose a little. I put to shame the notion that I will take my share or the idea of a share at all. If were given the room, I would walk quite slowly. Not to creep, or to drag my step in the slightest, more to move in confidence. But to take leaps is arrogance. Too often we revel in our strides instead of where we stand. How are we to know where we are going, if we have not the slightest clue where we are? I find this to be the downfall of how we define progress, and our lack of ability to separate it purely from simple movement.

For you

Not a single word

That I could say

Could make it change today

But Im talking anyway

It may take months or a year

For us to admit what was there

Till then I am moving on

Hoping on the way ull come along

 

I understand theres a time and a place

And said you really needed some space

So Ill give you as much as I can bare

while trying to stop the rip before the tare

 

And I know youll ask me to go away,

As if I was never supposed to stay

And Ill leave memories in hand

As we strip to just a friend

 

These are my words to you,

Before I dont know where youve gone to,

For everything I say thank you,

Through the smiles and the tears,

Through the mishaps around beers,

For listening to my word that no one hears,

For standing strong among your many fears

I miss having a prayer to go to,

When nothing seemed to hold true,

I miss how you made nothing feel like everything,

And filled my everything with the letters of dreams

 

I  have not a clue

as to what Im supposed to do

Just please bare with me

As I slip into

The very thing

I promised you

Would never be.

 

______________

I know good and well this should never be posted, but I just have this feeling like it is the right thing. Then again that feeling has been wrong a lot lately. Wrong and right…Black and white….maybe not tonight 

hillarious

best kept secret

I guess itll take a few,
To get these words through.
But in the mean time,
Just sit by my side
Lets make up stories
Until reality catches me.
Just try and stay awake
At least until morning breaks.
I know it doesnt make sense
But when has it ever

I miss the random
I miss not having a clue
I miss seeing 2am
And shrugging  my shoulders at you.

You called me the best kind of weird,
Showed me a friendship honest and sincere.
You made the truth easy to see,
And brought out the best in me.

The best part is you werent even trying
The whole time you didnt even know
So for that reason Ill probably die trying
but at least now you know

Ill see you again,
This im sure
The moment the memory is faint
Ill be at your door.

PS- for those that like to think these are about you, and you know you are, its not…

Where the world falls short in my eyes,A friends trust is there for the compromiseWhen I can only stand at the feet of my biggest fear,I askI prayKnowing that a friend can be nowhere but  near