a persuit

Today I watched the rain,
as if it was a new thing
I spoke of shame
As if it were about me

As I heard the guitar play
I sang a future that couldnt be
As my patience began to stray
I felt my hope slip below me

I watched the sun peek
as if it could ruin the day
I asked myself what I seek
As if it mattered what I’d say

The silence over takes me
I wonder where you could be
It is a useless pursuit

At best

If at best we are nothing in the eyes of those that refuse to live in the moment, we are at worst insignificant to those that do not matter

just human

Were all just tryin
to feel on top of the world
whether its yours or mine
where all just dyin
for the rest to fall behind

but when we lie once
we are a liar
if we cry once
we are a crier
if we dream at all
we are a dreamer

anything else
just makes us human

so how can we be
when we must lie, cry and dream
to be anything more
anything more than

just human

Changing the world

I think we all set out to change the world. Its funny when you talk to people who have “aged” they say that this is sophomoric and childish. Maybe funny isnt the word. Maybe the word is sad. I feel that people drastically underestimate the amount of influence they have over people. They start out with a “vision” of what they want to do. Ironically, this vision acts as blinds. The truth is that influence is easy to come by. A person can not help but influence people. In a life time the world is changed and its ridiculous to think that you in some way did not have a part of it. I think that the sooner we accept this the better. I think the sooner we embrace this, the more that we can embrace the changes we make. We are blinded by our own will power but driven by our desires. We are driving our intentions blindly and reacting in utter shock when we realize how lost we are. Change the world. I think the burden is not whether or not you will change the world, but trying to understand or even comprehend how the individual decisions will affect that change.

Trust and Pieces

There is a time and a place when you can look at someones eyes and know exactly what they are thinking. At that moment it is as if you have a snapshot of their soul or the very essence of who they are. The sad part about it all is that it is merely limited to that moment. Today it happened and I could not explain it for the life of me. I couldnt put all the thoughts together, or align its meaning but I got a snapshot. The truth is that I am merely addicted. I saw everything in its most broken down form. Even in its most minute flaw, I found a place where it made sense to me. For those of you that like to read into things or like to make assumptions about peoples emotions based on a few words on paper, no that is not the defintion of the big L word. That is merely the feeling of things fitting into place. That is the comfort of knowing that you shouldn’t turn around. It is the basic emotion of need and your abilty to know how to fill it. Maybe a friend is an understated title but maybe that is just because it is over used. Maybe then the word should just be trustworthy because trust is so hard to come by these days. I do not know but as I lay here tonight, I merely wish for another snap shot. I merely wish for a glace at the pieces that I know will fit.

a single moment

Its easy to get on here and talk about deep topics and abstract thoughts. Because the big picture never bothers us. Its always the little details that pick and etch at our conscious. We remorse and regret over a bad decision but in the end we are still here, so the big picture doesnt matter yet. This is not to say that the big picture is not important, we just dont understand it. We base our whole life off of little decisions or indicators of our progress or lack there of. School is all about the grades but the whole reason it was created was to learn. We arent graded on the experience we are graded based on a test; a single moment. When we go to a job, our effort is equated to a bottom line and a time card. It seems that when I am on my death bed, I wont remember my grades or my first check. I hope by that point, it will be about the big picture. Maybe by that point all of the little moments will be so blended together they will form some sort of discernible picture or message.