My Sandbox

Entries from October 2009

the death of my writing

October 30, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Twitter has forced me to keep my thoughts to the point. How about this – happiness is the death of my writing. My life became perfect tonight. I unlocked some sort of happiness and bliss and all of the words in my head are just words that I can only whisper because it provides such a delicate emotion that it only exists in me.

 

I met an old friend for the first time last night
I lived the good ol times last night

Categories: 1

Behavior

October 26, 2009 · Leave a Comment

This weekend I went to a party where I was probably younger than everyone there by about 10 years. It never felt that way. They were not immature, but I was made to be more mature. I never fully believed the impact of an environment until that moment. I would wager that environment is probably the most important factor in determining someones behavior.

Categories: 1

Opportunities

October 21, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Today I was quite upset when I realized that “all” of my friends had made plans and did not invite me. I was certain that the rest of my day would be just the pits. As it turns out, the rest of my day was perfectly fine. In fact, in the process of having an awesome day, I convinced someone to go back to college. Whether he does or not is not quite the point. It is more about the fact that the opportunity was presented because I continued on my day. I did not try to force myself into anyone’s plans.

On a side note, I missed the memo about everyone getting in relationships and being really exclusive. If I would have known, I could have planned better. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, and it seems like everyone got together and said “boys, now is the time.”

It is now 1:30 a.m. and I am wide awake. My mind is racing. I wish that work was right now, or even school because my focus is impeccable.

Categories: 1

Marriage

October 14, 2009 · 2 Comments

I feel that marriage has become more based on timing than “meeting the right person.” We romanticize it our whole life, but then the moment just comes. We are “ready” and whoever happens to be with us at that time is the lucky winner. At least, that is just how it seems to me. Maybe there is this bitter tone in my post, but I just think it should be more thought out.  I realize that there are certain cases for divorce that make sense but I think that people have started to use it more of a back up plan. So when they are ready they dont have to mean forever they just have to say “lets try it out.”

Oh well

Categories: 1

The Speechless 5

October 13, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I am a person who has too much to say. I find that my best judge of character is when I have every intention of saying something but can’t muster any words to say. I can count those people on one hand. Those people have nothing in common other than the fact that they have a view on life I can’t seem to see through. Therefore I crave their company just to give a glimpse of what I cannot have.

It’s amazing how I can get so far off track and talk to one of those 5 and be completely grounded. All I can say is that I am incredibly lucky. Blessed even.

Categories: 1

“me”

October 5, 2009 · Leave a Comment

For what seems like a long time, I have been trying to get back to being “me.” sure there are a lot of steps like for instance I tried to determine what being me really meant. Who is this me and why did he leave? I asked my friends or moreso gadged it off of what they said to and about me and it came to this- I’m an asshole that gives good advice. Maybe you would settle for this but I was quite frankly shocked. This marks the longest I have ever been at a school and incidentally the longest I have had friend. They should know me best. So then I started asking, where does what they see and what I think what they should see diverge? What I started to realize is that the divergence happens almost immediatly. Have u ever been told something so many times that you start to believe it or even become it? I have been told 10000000000000x that I’m an asshole. What they meant was that I was acting like an asshole. I settled for that. I tend to say what’s on my mind and speak off the cuff which could come across poorly but I have to believe what is true. Where did “me” go? It was forced out when I settled for who I was sold as.

Categories: 1
Tagged: , ,

Blessed to be Lucky

October 1, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I am amazed at how well people follow through. Last night at midnight, I was surrounded by my friends cheering a bottle of champagne. I didnt call any of them nor did I expect any of them, but when the hand struck midnight they were all there without so much as a complaint. On your birthday, I think it is nearly impossible to not look back at your life. The truth is that have always been incredibly blessed. I was born in a wheelchair, with very little chance of ever living a long life. Here I am at 22, and  I never felt a bump. People ask me if it is hard being in a wheelchair, and for me I never felt the struggle because of it. I have always had awesome friends and an amazing family that have gone out of their way to make that possible. On days where we recollect, its humbling to come to this realization. Truth be told, someone would be hard pressed to find better friends than mine. They always follow through. always.

Categories: 1
Tagged: , ,