The Subjective Nature of Wisdom

I first would like to apologize for not writing here lately. Writing has always been a hobby of mine that I at its very basic level been quite therapeutic. However, I find it quite difficult to put words on paper that make very little sense in my head. My life has made very little sense to me lately. That sounded suicidal so let me rephrase. My direction in life is very hard to explain even to myself. The truth is that I have no idea where I am going, but I have found that where I was going was not for me. I have listened to my peers and family and for years I have tried to follow their wishes with the hope that in the end everything will simply fall into place.

I do not know if you would consider what I have gained wisdom over the years but I have gained something quite valuable. I have learned what I do not want to do. Though many will argue that this is simply a consequence of experiencing life, I would argue that most people are quite content to do the things that I do not. To my friends and family this makes little sense. Some simply brush this off as laziness or immaturity while others go so far as to attribute it to a core character flaw.

Since I was little I have always had this deep fear of death. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that something could stop existing. To a person who fears death, hearing “life is no dress rehearsal” and “you only live once” completely crippled my motivation. I do not know when it happened specifically but something changed. I simply could not accept that this path that had been laid before me was the best way to fully live my life.

That is where I currently find myself; I am so close to where everyone else wants me to be but I am no where near where I feel I want to be. And where is that you ask? According to books, family and friends that is a path of hardship and poverty where only a few make it out on top. Maybe it is my age or maybe my stubborn nature but with every step I take, the more alive I feel. I know its short sighted but I feel that with the support of people, who I know have every doubt in what I am doing, I can accomplish dreams and not simply goals.

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