at some point, we should be excited. We have made it this far. We have come this far. At this point, we have lived a good life. We have lived a good live because we have lived.

I think all the satisfaction a person needs, is to know that they are enough. Sometimes all a person needs to hear is that they have done enough or said enough. There is this deep worry that is in all of us of falling short. From the time we are born, the people around us become profits. “He will be a smart one” or “This kid has potential.” So we live in hope. That if we continue this potential could be ours. In our little shell of a childhood, its easy to follow this rational or mentality. But when we move out, no one is looking for potential. In this so called “real world”, no one is looking for who we could be. I know that sounds aweful and makes the world seem cold but thats not nearly the truth. It would not seem so cold if more people were simply told, that they were enough. It would all go over smoothly if that before they were placed out into this “cold world” that they have all they need. I know that is not true for everyone but I am quite frankly tired of telling people that they are awesome individuals and then have them look at me like I have said something monumental. I think as a society we are great at spotting potential. We are great at even relaying that message. No one, however, closes the deal. We have to graduate college, or get married before anyone tells us “hey you made it.” I used to think I was alone on this, but over the past few years I have seen incredible people starving, not to be told that they were incredible, but that they were merely enough. They just wanted someone to tell them that the way they are, is more than they need to conquer tomorrow and that they have plenty of room to carry anything they might pick up along the way.

I do not know you, or maybe I do. I have yet to meet a person who I have had to say that they fell short. If no one else tells you this, at least you could have read it here. You are enough. Chances are you are more than enough. So stop worrying about that. Stop worrying about falling short of your potential. Stop dreaming of winning the lottery or making that album that sells millions. There is no purpose for worry. It has no significance. Own today, and know that tomorrow can be yours as well. Believing that is the only lottery ticket you need.

Sometimes, all that we can hope, is that we hit before the storm comes. Because there comes a point in desperation that the innocence dies. We become beings of survival and not living. We are all born of God’s creation, sure. But I feel that when we wander, we lose that notion. We worry, that in the darkest hour, we are not an image of God, but one that is tainted by this earth. If I die in my sleep ( or of I do not), God loves the darkest of those that exist. My Post began, I hope that we hit before the storm comes, because I hope we love before doubt drowns us. If we take an innocent look at this life, Love drowns us. After 5 seconds of it however I feel like its completely different. We feel like love dies. So I feel that all of those that dont feel lie God has a purpose. At the very least. I feel like God is the last remaining entity that makes Love be the one that drowns us. God gives Love a purpose. I dont know if any of this makes sense to anyone here but it is laying heavily on me. Just know that we have purpose. And that our influence is nearly inevitable. Make it worth it. Make our breath say something, make our hand move something.

She asked me what the world meant to me,
She asked “if all this went away would you still be with me?”
I wish there was some hesitation because,
I didnt want to show what she meant to me.
All I could say was “absolutely”

These are the moments that captivate,
These are the songs with no tune
These are the times all guys try to hate.
This is the feeling of needing you

I was born with a silver tongue
That spit sweet words filled with lies
You never believed not a word of it
You never even noticed the disguise

You see the sun through the rain
And quite frankly im going insane
I liked my life in my control
I liked everything going my way

I just cant help myself
I blame this all on you
This something
I can not undo

These are the moments that captivate,
These are the songs with no tune
These are the times all guys try to hate.
This is the feeling of needing you

Twitter has forced me to keep my thoughts to the point. How about this – happiness is the death of my writing. My life became perfect tonight. I unlocked some sort of happiness and bliss and all of the words in my head are just words that I can only whisper because it provides such a delicate emotion that it only exists in me.

I met an old friend for the first time last night
I lived the good ol times last night

This weekend I went to a party where I was probably younger than everyone there by about 10 years. It never felt that way. They were not immature, but I was made to be more mature. I never fully believed the impact of an environment until that moment. I would wager that environment is probably the most important factor in determining someones behavior.

Today I was quite upset when I realized that “all” of my friends had made plans and did not invite me. I was certain that the rest of my day would be just the pits. As it turns out, the rest of my day was perfectly fine. In fact, in the process of having an awesome day, I convinced someone to go back to college. Whether he does or not is not quite the point. It is more about the fact that the opportunity was presented because I continued on my day. I did not try to force myself into anyone’s plans.

On a side note, I missed the memo about everyone getting in relationships and being really exclusive. If I would have known, I could have planned better. I was talking to one of my friends the other day, and it seems like everyone got together and said “boys, now is the time.”

It is now 1:30 a.m. and I am wide awake. My mind is racing. I wish that work was right now, or even school because my focus is impeccable.

I feel that marriage has become more based on timing than “meeting the right person.” We romanticize it our whole life, but then the moment just comes. We are “ready” and whoever happens to be with us at that time is the lucky winner. At least, that is just how it seems to me. Maybe there is this bitter tone in my post, but I just think it should be more thought out.  I realize that there are certain cases for divorce that make sense but I think that people have started to use it more of a back up plan. So when they are ready they dont have to mean forever they just have to say “lets try it out.”

Oh well

I am a person who has too much to say. I find that my best judge of character is when I have every intention of saying something but can’t muster any words to say. I can count those people on one hand. Those people have nothing in common other than the fact that they have a view on life I can’t seem to see through. Therefore I crave their company just to give a glimpse of what I cannot have.

It’s amazing how I can get so far off track and talk to one of those 5 and be completely grounded. All I can say is that I am incredibly lucky. Blessed even.

For what seems like a long time, I have been trying to get back to being “me.” sure there are a lot of steps like for instance I tried to determine what being me really meant. Who is this me and why did he leave? I asked my friends or moreso gadged it off of what they said to and about me and it came to this- I’m an asshole that gives good advice. Maybe you would settle for this but I was quite frankly shocked. This marks the longest I have ever been at a school and incidentally the longest I have had friend. They should know me best. So then I started asking, where does what they see and what I think what they should see diverge? What I started to realize is that the divergence happens almost immediatly. Have u ever been told something so many times that you start to believe it or even become it? I have been told 10000000000000x that I’m an asshole. What they meant was that I was acting like an asshole. I settled for that. I tend to say what’s on my mind and speak off the cuff which could come across poorly but I have to believe what is true. Where did “me” go? It was forced out when I settled for who I was sold as.